Epic Failure

Sometimes I am so epic fail that it keeps me up at night.

My failure seems to haunt me like a ghost. I look at it in the mirror, it towers over my bed while I am tossing and turning, it creeks the stairs when I walk up them, and shadows my eyes when I walk out into the world. I know that grace has saved me and that Jesus holds me in his arms but…I can’t get past my failure. I can’t open my Bible, pray, or worship right because my sin and failure are hanging over me. I know about forgiveness. In fact my stupid freaking ugly sins have already been forgiven but I, for some reason, won’t let myself off the hook. It’s been miserable.

So many people look up to me and think I’m the perfect Christian and that I’m a genius. Would a perfect Christian be caught up in a web of horribly wrong thoughts? Would a perfect Christian lie just on a whim? Would a perfect Christian punish himself this much for his sin? Huh? Would a smart person put himself through this? I know God is there but I can’t feel him. I know that He is just waiting for me to give in to Him but something is holding me back. I am caught up in my self inflicted web of rules, regulations, guilt, and sin. God please rescue me! God I need You in my life! What do I do God?

4 Responses to “Epic Failure”
  1. Daniel Davisio says:

    Its weird sometimes how you write about exactly what I’m going through.

    God is using you right now, this very moment.

  2. An epic battle indeed.

    I also struggle against my own understanding, against my past transgressions, and against my current uncontrolled thoughts.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Prov 3:5

  3. your friend says:

    It makes sense, but it’s so sad. And true. Do all human beings go through the same thing?

  4. Kat says:

    Only the ones who CARE go through it…..only the ones who TRY. Keep on struggling….keep on being who you are in all of your genuineness and all of your fullness (but be careful not to over analyze it, market it, or turn it into an art form. (coming from someone who’s been there). What I’m really trying to say is, Keep It Real, bro.

    And hey, take comfort int he fact that you’re not alone! 🙂
    Even Paul struggled as you (we) do…..
    ROMANS 7: 14-25

    14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

    21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

    Tell em that it’s human nature….why, why…

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